“The heart and the soul, so beloved of God, are both filthied up by residence here, how can we avoid it? . . . I suppose therefore God is the connoisseur of filthied hearts and souls, and can see the old, first pattern in them, and cherish them for that.”
from The Secret Scripture by Sebastian Barry
Antaeus, by Seamus Heaney
When I lie on the ground
I rise flushed as a rose in the morning.
In fights I arrange a fall on the ring
To rub myself with sand
That is operative
As an elixir. I cannot be weaned
Off the earth’s long contour, her river-veins.
Down here in my cave
Girdered with root and rock
I am cradled in the dark that wombed me
And nurtured in every artery
Like a small hillock.
Let each new hero come
Seeking the golden apples and Atlas:
He must wrestle with me before he pass
Into that realm of fame
Among sky-born and royal.
He may well throw me and renew my birth
But let him not plan, lifting me off the earth,
My elevation, my fall.
At the end of everyday my fifth grade year, we would all gather up our things, strap on our backpacks, line up at the classroom door, and wait for the bell to ring. And as soon as it rang, we would all shout “BOY, DO I FEEL GREAT!” at the top of our lungs. And on that note, we would disperse to our after-school lives. Mrs. Crowe, my teacher, believed in positivity energy and positive attitudes. I can’t remember what I thought about this raucous practice at the time, although I probably enjoyed it because, after all, yelling is fun. But in the [now many] years since fifth grade, I’ve found myself periodically thinking and speaking and–on some appropriately secluded occasions–even shouting that simple exclamation. Today is just one of those days. And let me tell you why. It’s because of all the positive thinking that’s been going on around here lately. In my last post, I told you about my resolution against complaining and toward gratitude, and I’ve kept to that. Playing the glad game on the new blog that Kate and I set up has been fun, and I noticed a change in my attitude and energy level almost immediately. That’s what has surprised me–I knew my attitude would be better, but I didn’t realize how much energy I was wasting on negativity. I feel bright and almost bouncy these days! I want to break out in song almost. I feel like I CAN get everything done. I’m not overwhelmed and overwrought and pathetic. I’m in charge and on top of things. And you know what? Nothing has changed in my schedule. I’m getting the same amount of sleep, I’m pushing myself just as hard. I’m reading just as much. And I’ve still got application deadlines looming in the very near future [the first two are due on Dec. 1]. But I’ve changed, and for the better. And I really do feel great.
People, it’s been a doosy of a semester so far. There’s just a lot on my plate between a couple of demanding classes, teaching in a very demanding program (we do individual conferences with our students most weeks of the semester), working on and worrying about PhD applications, and taking care of myself and my dog. I’m busy all the time, and there’s a lot of pressure. And, true to form, this means that I’ve become:
My very least favorite version of myself has emerged, yet again. And I’m done with it. So I am hereby officially instituting two previous personal policies: an injunction on complaining, and a discipline of daily gratitude. My friend Kate has hit a similar wall this semester, and we’ve decided to count our blessings and play the Glad Game (from Polyanna) on a new shared blog. We’ve had enough negativity, and so we’re going to generate some positive energy to get us through this tough semester and PhD applications.
